fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
People in love make me want to vomit
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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