The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize