I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
