she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want nice things and good sex
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
