Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
