I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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