Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
