im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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