okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
