did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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