He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
