the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You can't motorboat a personality
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
