seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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