she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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