Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
