Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize