You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
