The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The power of my boobs compel you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
