Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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