I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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