I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
