Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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