soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
