I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize