I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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