Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
