I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
