She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
