Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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