just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
