I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
