We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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