That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
