his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
