two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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