so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize