Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
