I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
