We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You ruined the universe
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
