I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
