Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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