It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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