So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
