its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
