So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
