Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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