LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
