Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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