didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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