I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
