Already got asked if we're dating
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
