so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
