We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
