So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
