I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
