I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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