And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
