Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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